Abby: Also, I told her I dumped you.
Carter: You dumped me?
Abby: Yeah.
Carter: Well did she believe you?
Abby: Of course she did, why wouldn't she?
Carter: It's just...you would never dump me.
Abby: I would dump you like a bad habit.
Carter: (self-assuredly) You wouldn't dump me.
Abby: I would dump you. (they start to walk off down the hall)
Carter: I would totally dump you first.
Abby: Uh, no. I would dump you.
Carter: (trying not to sound too serious) No. Now youre talking crazy.

Carol: Well, you just mouth the words. That's what I do.
Susan: Well who sings?
Carol: Well I'm working on that. (Carter walks by. Carol smiles, pleasantly) Carter!-
Carter: No, no, no, no. Chronic tone deaf and acute stage fright.

Carol: What happened to those worms in radiology?
Susan: (completely serious) They're doing a consult.
Carol: No, those EARTHworms. I put a bucket of earthworms in there and they're gone.

Carol: Who do you think Thomas was?
Carter: This is going to sound crazy but, oddly enough... I think Thomas was his dog.
Carol: Dog?
Carter: Yeah, at one point I think he thought I was Thomas. He pulled me in close, ear to his mouth and he whispered- "Kibble, Kibble, Kibble, Kibble."
(Carol tries not to laugh)
Carter: It was oddly touching.
(Carol doesn't say anything, but chuckles)
Carter: It WAS Carol!

Carter: Are you serious? Benton's slides were in the fire. They're toast! Ohhh, why couldnt I have been home at the time? I could have smoke inhalation; I could be breathing through a nice ET Tube...

Romano: The last four letters in American are "I Can". (Luka looks lost) Let me put it this way: You cover, I owe you one.  You dont, youre fired.

Carol: You seen Mark?  Is he ok?
Doug: Let me put it this way- he called a staff meeting.
Carol: (stunned) Mark Greene? Glasses, receding hairline, broken heart?
Doug: That's the one.
Carol: Oh man.

Carter: Hey Maggie, got anything interesting?
Maggie: Carol dropped a clock on Weavers head.
Carter: Intentionally?

Mark: Crackhead with abdominal pain, what'd you think?
Doug: Oh yeah, Carter, yeah.

Mark: (of Anspaugh) Doug did a round at Southside. Said the guy's a bit of a crackpot.
Kerry: Might want to consider the source of that evaluation.

Susan: Isn't this exciting?
Mark: Yeah, like a Jr. High assembly.
(they see Weaver approaching)
Susan: Oh, here comes the assistant principle.

Mark: So, Mr. Johnson's in V-Tact.
Lydia: Paddles?
Mark: Why not.
Lydia: Charge?
Mark: You pick.
Lydia: 200?
Mark: 200 it is. Clear *shock* Next contestant. Do I hear 300?
Haleh: 300, sure.
Mark: 300 from the stunning woman in the floral scrubs. Clear *shock* Ill see you 300, and raise you 360. Clear *shock* Congratulations Mr. Johnson, you are the lucky winner of a brand new ventillator, at the cost of $5,000 dollars a day. And as a bonus, a chest x-ray, perfect for decorating the small, sterile hospital room where you're going to be spending the rest of your brief, unconscious life.

Abby: What kind of car do you think she'd drive?
Carter: I don't know...A lexus? Ha! Get it? Alexis....No.

Romano: You wanna be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, you have my blessing. Go forth and multiply.

Carter: How old are you?
Rena: 20... in September.
Carter: You're 19!!! *bangs head on table*
Rena: Yeah.... are you ok?

Carter: She's very mature for her age. You know, she's cool, she's fine, she's-
Abby: She's Britney Spear's little sister!

Romano: Lizzie, I heard you're doing an ex-lap on a GSW?
Elizabeth: You heard correctly.
Romano: Think you can still reach the table?
Elizabeth: At least I can see the table...

Susan: You know Carter, you can call us by our first names.
Carter: You call me Carter.
Susan: Yeah, but that's different.... somehow.

Carter: You know how to hot-wire a car?
Susan: Learned it from one of Chloe's old boyfriends. He's in jail now.  Grand-theft auto.

Lydia: Dr. Ross, we got a patient.
Doug: I'm not a grown-up doctor.
Lydia: Oh we all know that.

Kerry: Being a good doctor isn't just about great saves.
Dave: Oh what, I need to adopt your cheery attitude and sparkling bedside manner?

Abby: This morning I had to go over to his apartment to get one of my sweaters and I... smashed his fish tank.
Carter: Why?
Abby: Not on purpose!

Abby and Carter have replaced Luka's broken fish tank, but one fish is dead.

Abby: Think we can resuscitate him?
Carter: I think he's been down too long.

Abby: What are they going to arrest us for? Aquatic mischief?

Carol: Why are you under the sheet?
Man: Because I've been dead for the past 2 days.
Carol: But you're still suffering from persistent headaches?
Man: Oh boy, am I ever.
Carol: And what brought on these headaches?
Man: Death.

Carol: How you doing Mr. Conley? Still dead?
Man: Oh yeah, very. But my head feels much better, though.
Carol: That's good.

Susan: Funny, that's not how I remember you.
(Carter, surprised, lifts up his head and bangs it on the counter, swearing)
Susan: That is!

Carter: (while looking right at Abby) I would never touch Luka's cookies.

Benton: Carter, do I look like your father?
Carter: No, actually. Not at all.

Kerry: Carol!
Carol: Oh! You scared me.
Kerry: Yeah, I do that to a lot of people.

Mark: Here's what I don't get. Ding-dongs and Ho Ho's. Ding-dong, Ho Ho- Same food, different shape. How do they get away with that? Ding-dong/Ho Ho conspiracy.

Peter: That is the whitest tie I have ever seen.
Lawyer: ...It's blue...

Carter: Disappointed in me?
Susan: No! It's just... you were stabbed.
Carter: Twice... I don't recommend it.

Abby: You're going to have some dirty birds.
Carter: Grandpa liked to drive the power lawn mower around.
Abby: Into the birdbath?
Carter: Not on purpose... he was having a fatal MI at the time.
Abby: *laughs* I'm sorry.
Carter: Gotta die somehow. Not a bad way to go. Sunny day.... out on the mower *they both start to laugh* Don't, don't laugh.
Abby: Then stop it!

Benton: All they want to know if is you killed anybody.
Carter: What'd you tell them?
Benton: Just med students.

Jerry: Ah, twinkies!
Mark: You're not gonna eat that.
Jerry: Why not? They have a shelf life of seven years.... 1993, I'm in the zone.

Romano: Not a very good picture, though.
Elizabeth: Well not all of us can have your devastatingly good looks.

Randi: Elizabeth, this letter came down for you from Dr. Romano's office... He's a weird little dude, isn't he?

Carter: Hey you guys just missed a good one. Sent a guy straight up to the OR. Perfed his intestines with a carrot.
Carol: A whole carrot?
Lucy: How did he swallow a whole carrot?
Carter: Didn't swallow.
Lucy: Oh, I get it.
Carol: Yeah...
Carter: Swallowed a carrot? Ah, that is a classic, Lucy.

Doug: Did you hear about the patient who swallowed the carrot?
Lucy: Dr. Carter told you?
Doug: Jerry told me.

Doug: Who ever said Doug Ross wasn't organized!
(nurses all raise their hands)
Carol: I did!

Carter: Did we go over shoulder reductions?
Lucy: No.
Carter: We should have gone over that.
Lucy: You did one that day you weren't talking to me.

Lucy: So, should I feel special or does he stare at everyone's breasts?
Elizabeth: No, only females... as far as I know.

Carter: No, I keep my love life out of the work place, thank you.
Jerry: Since when?

Gabe: I can diagnose a million diseases, but I still can't figure out women.

Carter: I'm afraid that we're going to have to cut it off.
Mom and Dad: What?!
Carter: The zipper. I meant the zipper.

Carter: I'm gone for a couple of weeks, you guys are engaged, Chen's pregnant, Malucci's blonde, and I can't seem to remember my locker combination.

Abby: Great. Fat and colorful.
Carter: At least you got something to do.
Abby: I'll trade you. Jabba the Hutt for the UID.
Carter: I said I was bored, not desperate.

Elizabeth: He's a horrible little turd, isn't he?

Romano: You're scaring me, Peter, you're not your usual jolly self today; you haven't developed a drug addiction or a drinking problem like the rest of your misfit buddies in the E.R., have you?
Peter: Nope.
Romano: Give it time.